I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
