No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
