I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
