can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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