Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
birth control should be required to get into college
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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