Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
