I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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