I wish I only lived at night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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