Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
