mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
