it wasn't lemon gatorade
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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