Heybabeimwearingurpanties
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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