I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
