i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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