SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
