Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
