By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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