Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
