It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
