Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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