Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
