im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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