So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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