whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
