i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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