Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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