Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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