forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
