Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
