his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
