I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Oh god it's open bar.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
