I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
