Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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