no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
