Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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