Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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