i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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