I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
