Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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