Nicole vs. Life
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
