you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
