I puked a lego.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
