I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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