I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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