We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I sprained my soul last night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
