Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
