All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
