oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
