Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
