I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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