Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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