yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
