found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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